All the single ladies (and others)…

Why is community work always about families?

Some people seeming to somehow survive without 2 children each. Weird.

I found this article really interesting. ‘“Lens of a singleton”: Belgian council to focus on those who live alone. Carla Dejonghe has persuaded her municipality to consider impact of its policies on single people’ (Guardian, 14th Feb 2024.)

I’ve spent a lot of my life in community work setting up programmes for children and families. But something always bothers me.

What if you're single? I think this is really important.... I've always been concerned by the tendency to focus on 'families' (which usually means two people with children). It’s bad enough for coupled people who don’t have children. Even worse for those who don’t have either.

It’s absolutely vital we do that kind of work, but usually the greatest loneliness and lack of connection is for people who aren't part of compulsory reproductive 'families'. At that stage, found family is vital. This has been a vital force in the LGBT+ community for years; indeed, my own first entry into community work was around community-based AIDS support in Brighton. When bad things happen, you need a family to rely on. Many of us would never have that unless we made it. But when you look at community programmes, how often do you see images which aren't of children?

So then the community provision outside of that tends to be either related to a social or health ill (mental or physical illness, disability, other stigma or disadvantage). Occasionally someone jams in a chess club as a stab at it, but really there's very little imagination goes into this. I'd love to see more community work that goes out of its way to include people who aren't coupled. The work that covers the uncoupled exists - it's just for youth and older people. But as ever, people from the age of 21 - 65 find themselves with almost no support, no opportunities for community, and increasing levels of stress and illness, no doubt partly for that reason. I’ve often felt that community organisations were the best chance for people to find family if they don’t have one. I’ve seen it happen many many times.

TL, DR: Community and participation organisations need to provide ways for single people to build lasting networks and relationships. They need to stop focusing solely on cradle and grave (kids and older folks). There's a whole life inbetween, and so often, we are just ignoring it.